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The Full 78 Tarot Card Meaning Speed Run

November 26, 2024
09:05 AM

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Welcome to the sassiest crash course in Tarot you’ll ever read—your one-stop shop for learning the cards without the fluff. Whether you’re a newbie looking to impress your mystical friends or a seasoned reader needing a good laugh, this snark-laden guide has got you covered.


Major Arcana

The drama queens of the tarot deck. Each one struts in like they’re on a red carpet, demanding attention and screaming, "LOOK AT ME, I’M SYMBOLIC!" They’re the archetypes, the “big themes,” the existential crisis cards. When these show up, it’s less about “what’s happening this week” and more about “what’s wrong with your entire life.” Expect cards that feel like your therapist, your ex, or that one shady friend who never holds back.

NameMeaningCard
The FoolEmbarking on a new journey with blissful ignorance—watch out for cliffs!The Fool
The MagicianYou have all the tools you need—so stop pretending you don't.The Magician
The High PriestessTrust your intuition—you know, that thing you always ignore?The High Priestess
The EmpressAbundance, creativity, and nurturing—yes, even you can be caring.The Empress
The EmperorAuthority, structure, and control—because who doesn't love rules?The Emperor
The HierophantTradition and conformity—time to join the club or start your own cult.The Hierophant
The LoversChoices in love or harmony—decisions, decisions.The Lovers
The ChariotWillpower and determination—just don't run people over on your way.The Chariot
StrengthInner strength and courage—taming the beast within (or at least muzzling it).Strength
The HermitSoul-searching and introspection—Netflix and chill alone, again.The Hermit
Wheel of FortuneCycles and fate—round and round you go, where you stop, nobody knows.Wheel of Fortune
JusticeFairness and truth—karma's favorite card.Justice
The Hanged ManLetting go and new perspectives—hanging around until you get it right.The Hanged Man
DeathTransformation and endings—it's not you, it's... well, actually, it is you.Death
TemperanceBalance and moderation—time to cool your jets and find middle ground.Temperance
The DevilBondage and materialism—shackled by your own bad habits, aren't you?The Devil
The TowerSudden change and upheaval—your life’s dumpster fire, illustrated.The Tower
The StarHope and faith—because after the chaos, you need something to cling to.The Star
The MoonIllusion and fear—lost in the maze of your own mind again?The Moon
The SunJoy and success—finally, something good happens!The Sun
JudgmentReflection and reckoning—time to face the music and your questionable choices.Judgment
The WorldCompletion and fulfillment—you did it! Now what?The World

Minor Arcana

The workhorses of the tarot deck. These are your “everyday” cards, the ones clocking in 9 to 5 while the Major Arcana spends all its time monologuing. These cards say, “Hey, your laundry’s piling up, and also, your job sucks.” They’re split into four suits because why not make your mundane problems feel as organized as a medieval tabletop RPG?

Wands (Fire: Passion, Action)

The “Try-Hard Entrepreneurs”

Wands are all about action, creativity, and ambition. Basically, these cards show up when you’re about to start a new project or bite off way more than you can chew. They’re like the coworker who’s always brainstorming but never actually finishes anything. “Follow your passion!” they scream—until your burnout sets in. If your reading is full of wands, congrats, you’re about to run yourself ragged chasing some big dream.

NameMeaningCard
Ace of WandsNew inspiration and opportunities—time to light that fire (figuratively).Ace of Wands
Two of WandsPlanning and decisions—world domination doesn't happen overnight.Two of Wands
Three of WandsExpansion and foresight—waiting for your ship to come in (good luck).Three of Wands
Four of WandsCelebration and harmony—throw a party; you deserve it (maybe).Four of Wands
Five of WandsConflict and competition—everyone's talking, no one's listening.Five of Wands
Six of WandsSuccess and recognition—time to bask in your own glory.Six of Wands
Seven of WandsChallenge and perseverance—defend your stance, even if it's ridiculous.Seven of Wands
Eight of WandsRapid action and movement—hold on tight; it's about to get wild.Eight of Wands
Nine of WandsResilience and grit—you've come this far; might as well keep going.Nine of Wands
Ten of WandsBurden and responsibility—overwhelmed much? Time to drop some weight.Ten of Wands
Page of WandsEnthusiasm and exploration—channel your inner child (minus the tantrums).Page of Wands
Knight of WandsAction and adventure—charging ahead without a map, as usual.Knight of Wands
Queen of WandsConfidence and determination—queen of multitasking and making it look easy.Queen of Wands
King of WandsLeadership and vision—just don't let it go to your head.King of Wands

Cups (Water: Emotions, Relationships)

The “Overly Emotional Artists”

These cards are the feelers of the deck, representing emotions, relationships, and your tendency to cry during commercials. Cups want you to “listen to your heart,” which is cute until your heart says, “Text your ex” or “Quit your job to paint sunsets.” It’s all touchy-feely, water-sign nonsense, and yes, there’s probably a love triangle in there somewhere.

NameMeaningCard
Ace of CupsNew feelings and emotional beginnings—grab the tissues.Ace of Cups
Two of CupsPartnership and unity—finding your other half (or at least a drinking buddy).Two of Cups
Three of CupsFriendship and celebration—cheers to you and your squad.Three of Cups
Four of CupsApathy and contemplation—bored with life? Join the club.Four of Cups
Five of CupsLoss and grief—crying over spilled milk (or something more serious).Five of Cups
Six of CupsNostalgia and memories—living in the past, aren't we?Six of Cups
Seven of CupsChoices and illusion—so many options, so little sense.Seven of Cups
Eight of CupsWithdrawal and abandonment—walking away dramatically, again.Eight of Cups
Nine of CupsContentment and satisfaction—your wish came true; now what?Nine of Cups
Ten of CupsHarmony and fulfillment—the fairy tale ending (for now).Ten of Cups
Page of CupsCreative beginnings and curiosity—embrace your inner weirdo.Page of Cups
Knight of CupsRomance and charm—the quintessential lover (with a flair for drama).Knight of Cups
Queen of CupsCompassion and calm—emotional intelligence at its finest.Queen of Cups
King of CupsControl and balance—master of emotions, or just good at hiding them?King of Cups

Swords (Air: Intellect, Conflict)

The “Overthinkers Anonymous”

Ah, the Swords: sharp, incisive, and living in their heads 24/7. These cards are all about conflict, truth, and mental gymnastics. Got a problem? Swords will help you overanalyze it. If you’re not having an existential crisis already, don’t worry—they’ll drag you there. They’re the cards that say, “Hey, remember that embarrassing thing you did in 7th grade? Let's relive it.”

NameMeaningCard
Ace of SwordsBreakthrough and clarity—finally seeing the light (blinded yet?).Ace of Swords
Two of SwordsIndecision and stalemate—caught between a rock and a hard place.Two of Swords
Three of SwordsHeartbreak and sorrow—ouch, that one hurt.Three of Swords
Four of SwordsRest and recovery—time to take a mental health day (or month).Four of Swords
Five of SwordsTension and defeat—winning the battle but losing the war.Five of Swords
Six of SwordsTransition and moving on—sailing away from your problems (literally).Six of Swords
Seven of SwordsDeception and trickery—sneaky, sneaky; who's the culprit?Seven of Swords
Eight of SwordsIsolation and self-imprisonment—trapped by your own thoughts.Eight of Swords
Nine of SwordsAnxiety and despair—up all night, again.Nine of Swords
Ten of SwordsPainful endings—stick a fork in it; it's done.Ten of Swords
Page of SwordsCuriosity and restlessness—asking all the questions, even the awkward ones.Page of Swords
Knight of SwordsAmbition and haste—charging ahead without thinking (what could go wrong?).Knight of Swords
Queen of SwordsPerceptive and independent—cuts through the BS with surgical precision.Queen of Swords
King of SwordsIntellectual authority—rules with logic, not emotions (fun at parties).King of Swords

Pentacles (Earth: Money, Stability)

The “Practical Buzzkills”

Pentacles are the suit of Earth, so naturally, they’re all about money, work, and the joys of adulting. When these cards show up, it’s less “follow your dreams” and more “pay your bills, genius.” They’re practical, grounded, and utterly unimpressed with your fantasies about quitting your day job to move to Bali. Pentacles want receipts, schedules, and a 401(k). Basically, they’re your mom in card form.

NameMeaningCard
Ace of PentaclesNew financial opportunities—don't spend it all in one place.Ace of Pentacles
Two of PentaclesBalance and adaptability—juggling life's responsibilities (dropping balls optional).Two of Pentacles
Three of PentaclesCollaboration and skill—teamwork makes the dream work, supposedly.Three of Pentacles
Four of PentaclesSecurity and conservation—holding onto your coins like Scrooge McDuck.Four of Pentacles
Five of PentaclesFinancial loss and hardship—it's ramen noodles for dinner tonight.Five of Pentacles
Six of PentaclesGenerosity and charity—giving or receiving handouts (no judgment).Six of Pentacles
Seven of PentaclesPatience and investment—watching the grass grow (thrilling).Seven of Pentacles
Eight of PentaclesDiligence and craftsmanship—practice makes perfect, or at least better.Eight of Pentacles
Nine of PentaclesAbundance and luxury—treat yourself, you've earned it.Nine of Pentacles
Ten of PentaclesWealth and legacy—family fortunes and all that jazz.Ten of Pentacles
Page of PentaclesAmbition and desire—ready to learn and earn (gold stars await).Page of Pentacles
Knight of PentaclesEfficiency and routine—slow and steady wins the race (eventually).Knight of Pentacles
Queen of PentaclesPracticality and nurturing—the domestic goddess/god of the deck.Queen of Pentacles
King of PentaclesSecurity and control—sitting on the throne of material success.King of Pentacles

Congratulations, you’ve survived my Tarot Meaning Speed Run! Now go, shuffle your cards, and make bold predictions with the confidence of someone who just read a guide written by a cynic. Remember, the magic is in the interpretation (and your ability to keep a straight face while saying, “It’s not literal death, I promise!”). If all else fails, just blame the retrograde and pour yourself a drink. You're basically a pro now.

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The Real Araceli

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